my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
