if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
