I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
