the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
