I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
