i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
