i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
