I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
