Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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