Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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