btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
