i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
