Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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