I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
