Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
