All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
