I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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