I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found your dick twin last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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