i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
