I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just cropdusted the office
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
