you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
