waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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