I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
