my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
