i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
