I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
