You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
