he wants to bone in the snuggie
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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