my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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