sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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