If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
