if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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