Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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