when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
