My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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