DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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