I bet he comes in French.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
