You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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