Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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