reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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