: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
