you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
