My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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