dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
