bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
