i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
