So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
