Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
