"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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