everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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