he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
