the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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