I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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