Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
