You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
