Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
