My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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