why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
