So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
