i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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