Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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