; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
