i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
