Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
