uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
