also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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