I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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