I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
