How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
