This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
