dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
