tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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