Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
