better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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