You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
