Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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