I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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